Control

I like to be in control of my life. I like to know where I am going. I like to make plans. I like to have things all put together. I have found that this almost never works. I have goals and aspirations but in reality life is full of ups and downs and turn arounds and I feel lucky if I can keep my head on straight at the end of the day. Through a personal unexpected experience, I have realized that even if you have it all together, one moment can turn your life in a completely different direction than you expected.

I love the words to this hymn by Edward Mote. It is based off 1 Corinthians 10:4.  

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus’ name.

When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, His blood
Support me in the whelming flood;
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay.

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh, may I then in Him be found;
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.

Refrain:
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand,
All other ground is sinking sand.

I am continually reminded of my lack in this world and my constant need for the Rock of Jesus.The world full of sin keeps us battling the unexpected winds and storms that come our way. Even as a daughter of God, there are tough things that I have to walk through and deal with. It is a hard reality to face that even though I have the creator of the universe on my side I still have real pains, heartaches, and battles.

There is always the temptation to give up, settle or back down, but I keep coming back to the place of knowing who I am in Christ. This may be too hard for me to handle, but it isn't too hard for my God to handle. I am so consciously aware of my lack and my weaknesses, but I am reminded that this isn't my battle to fight alone.

2 Corninthians 12:9 says, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

I have been frustrated with the thought that other peoples decisions, actions and influences can change my life. Then I realized that the most important control that I have over my life is the fact that I can control who I put my trust in. It says in Psalm 20:7, "Some trust in chariots and some trust in horses but we trust in the name of the Lord our God." I do not put my trust in the hands of my career, education, talents or relationships because I know they ultimately will fail me. My life is reassured and secured by God alone.

One thing is sure and stands throughout all time; the love and faithfulness of my Father. He sees everything, knows everything and is in complete control even when I feel out of control. When the sinking feeling comes and settles deep in my stomach I cast all aside and refocus my attention on the hope that I will forever have. Hebrews 6:19 says, "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure." My hope is anchored in Jesus. My hope is not anchored in the things of this world, which would leave me tossed and turned by the storms of life. No matter what circumstance or trial, my heart and soul will forever be anchored in the everlasting hope of Christ.

I will live with a new level of desperation for the perfect will of God. I am in a new place of raw openness before the Lord, but I believe it is a beautiful place. God knows all and has a plan even outside of my own understanding. He is working things together for his good and for his glory and I am so honored that I get to be a part of it. Through the struggles and brokenness of my heart, He is ever so near and faithful. 1 John 4:16 says, "We know and rely on the love God has for us." This is the love that never fails, rejects, embarrasses, harms or manipulates.

In The Pursuit of God, by A.W. Tozer, he writes out this prayer:

Show me thy glory, I pray Thee, that so I may know Thee indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul, "Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away." Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long.

That is my prayer. In and out of season I will seek after the Lord.

 Psalm 139:7-10 says, "Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast."

Psalm 139:23-24 "Search me, O God, and  know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."