Who am I trusting?

Have you ever done a trust fall? The kind where you fall backwards and your partner catches you under the arms. I have. I was in the fourth grade and joined in with some kids who were doing this trust fall. I found a partner who I trusted could catch my body weight and we took turns falling. There would be the occasional bum that touched the ground during a close call fall, but no one was ever dropped. As kids were becoming bored of the game I was about to take my last trust fall. I checked to see if my partner was ready, put my arms out in the shape a "t" and leaned back. To my horror, the arms that I was expecting to catch me were absent and I was greeted with the unforgiving carpet-covered cement floor. The loud thud of my body hitting the floor rung loud in my ears and I laid there absolutely shocked. The air was knocked out of me and my head was throbbing from the encounter it had with the floor. I immediately looked for my partner in anger and disgust. I chose her as a partner for her strength, obviously not her attention span, which in my case was far more important. After I got over the embarrassment and pain of it all I vowed to never do another "trust" fall again.

My encounter with trust was broken.

The trust of humans fails. Everyone has had a promise that was broken and the sting of betrayal is hard to forget. With these broken trust experiences at the forefront of our minds, we often project those feelings and implications on God because few know any better or any other way.

Trust isn't trust until it is tested. It is easy to trust God when life is going perfectly. Do I still trust God when my hours get cut at work and I can't afford to pay rent? Do I still trust God when I am the only one of my friends who is still single? Do I still trust God when a member of my family gets diagnosed with cancer? When life looks bare and hallow with no possible way of solving things on my own, do I trust in Him?

Trust is easy until there is no other option but to trust.

 This is the type of trust where God has to intervene and make a way or it will be a complete disaster. This is the moment when I have to remove myself from the equation and surrender it to Him. The trust that I know He has my back, that He is planning things together for my good, and that He is in total and complete control. That He sees me in that moment and isn't going to turn away or make me deal with it on my own.

"You just need to trust God."

 I've said this before. I've genuinely meant it. I've really believed it too. But it's different when someone says it to me.

 What does that even mean? It seems too simple of an answer to my complicated questions. I've thought, "That's it? That's all I have to do? Where is my 7 step program to follow exactly and then wah-lah it's all fixed?"

I have to remember who I am trusting. He has never failed. Ever. To anyone. I am not trusting in man but in the God whose unfailing love surrounds those who trust in Him.

 Psalm 62:5  Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; He is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge.

 Whatever you may be facing today, know that He wants to face it with you. He isn't intimidated by your circumstances. He isn't blown away by your questions. He knows you better than you know yourself and has everything that you will ever need. Pour out your heart to him in sincere unwavering trust.

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

The Library

(This is my first guest post! Here is one by my good friend Andrew Figueroa. You can follow Andrew on Twitter @AndrewFiggz.)

The Library. If you would've asked me during the summer what was the one thing that I was most looking forward to this upcoming year in college, I probably wouldn't have given that response. Now, two months into the new school year, the library has been my answer to pretty much every question that I'm asked particularly if it’s in relation to school which has been my whole life lately.

"How's Portland?"

"Is college hard?"

"What are you doing tonight?"

"How are your roommates?"

"Do you miss your family and friends?"

"What are you eating for lunch?"

"Are you having fun?"

"Is that your only response?!!"

  

The Library...

I think you pretty much get my point. As soon as the last class for my day ends, I walk right across campus and make my way to the George R. White Library and Learning Center. I pretty much have claimed this certain desk on the third floor as my personal spot or niche. It's here that I do a bit of everything from homework and studying to reflecting and taking naps.

There's really nothing special about this library (even though the school spent almost three million dollars three years ago to renovate it). It's your typical building surrounded with thousands of books, wooden furniture, computers and tons of students with various missions to accomplish. Sometimes, I just sit around and watch what all is going on around me to think to myself, "This is crazy!”

Think about this: the library has thousands of books with an infinite amount of information sitting on shelves for who knows how long. Some of those books will never ever get selected or picked up to even be skimmed over. Think about that adventurous novel out on the top shelf that at one point had many readers passionately devouring each page as if their life depended on knowing every ounce of detail as to what happens next to the main character. Or that best seller that had hundreds of young readers buzzing and carrying it around under their arm claiming it to be part of their everyday attire. Or how about that book that once would bring a smile to a child's face during bedtime with its many colorful pictures and descriptive wording. Nope, all of that is long forgotten. It's just a book.

I was just reflecting on this the other day and I realized that the world we live in is just like this library and the people around us are like the books on the shelves. The moment I set foot in the library, I am surrounded by tons of books containing valuable information but I rather sit at a desk and prop open my laptop and keep to myself, locating only information that will help me out. Instead of going to the library catalog and locating a book regarding a topic for a class, I'm content with the bare bones of information the internet will give me.

Where am I going with this? When was the last time we opened a book and found incredibly valuable information we wouldn't have found elsewhere? Better yet, when was the last time we ran into a complete stranger and had a meaningful conversation with them? We've all heard that famous cliché don't judge a book by its cover but I'm not evening talking about judging here but rather just opening the book of someone’s life.

There are many people in our community that society has placed up on the shelves and labeled them as irrelevant, insignificant, unwanted or unimportant. This can easily lead someone to feel inferior, rejected, insecure, hopeless or worthless. And sometimes these feelings have a tendency to target us as well. But what if we rejected those feelings and not made life about us. See, the only reason why our problems get bigger is because we're too focused on our situation.

What would happen if we could get beyond ourselves? What would happen if we opened up the story of someone else's life? We would be surprised to discover the value that God has placed not only in their life but also in our life.

Passerby

A couple mornings ago while I was driving to work, I encountered something that made me stop and think. I pulled up behind four or five cars at a stop sign and mindlessly waited for my turn to cross at the intersection. After a minute or so, I realized we weren't moving forward at all. I glanced around looking for the hold-up and saw that an elderly man's pick-up had died and he couldn't get it to start or move it. People drove right around him and continued on their way, too busy and preoccupied to stop and help. Frustrated by the fact that dozens of people with capable arms and legs passed him by without even a glance, I pulled alongside of him and asked if I could help. He sighed in relief and said yes. It took me maybe two minutes to help him push his vehicle to the side of the road; barely an inconvenience. He graciously thanked me and I went on with the rest of my day.

Coincidentally, that same day as I was driving home from work I saw another broken-down car with its owner struggling to push it to the side of the road. Feeling like a Good Samaritan, I pulled up to offer my assistance, wondering how many people had passed by this poor guy as well. But before I even had my window half way down the man aggressively waved his arms to signal me to keep going. He rolled his eyes when I asked if I could help him and acted very annoyed by the fact that I wanted to help. Feeling a tad surprised and offended by his reaction I awkwardly rolled my window back up and slowly pulled away. I considered multiple reasons why he acted the way he did. Maybe he didn't want to be helped by a girl. Maybe he was intimidated by my big muscles. Either way, he was obviously not interested in taking my help.

Both men were in similar situations. They both had faulty vehicles. There were two totally and completely different outcomes though. I had no idea what the outcome of each situation would be, but I could see that if I didn't stop and help, that no one would.  It is my responsibility to be available and selfless. I purpose my every single day to give. I in no way can control how people are going to react though. It's not my job to make sure they accept acts of kindness, but it is my job to be faithful to respond to needs.

Of course, it feels much better when they respond with gratitude and happiness, but ultimately that isn't why I do it. 

There are people surrounding me every single day that need help. It is my job to simply extend the hand of Christ and show them the same love that He has shown us. Sure, there will be people who turn away, laugh and mock but I am not to become discouraged or disheartened. I will remain faithful in genuine compassion and love from Jesus and God will handle the rest.

One Trip

So I have this issue...I wouldn't consider it to be a serious one, but nevertheless it could be classified as a slight disorder. Every time I am taking things out of my car to bring inside I absolutely have to carry it all in one trip. Whether I am hauling in groceries, books, or most commonly, coffee cups, I have to strategically pile and balance the contents of my car in my arms . The thought of taking two trips is appalling and completely out of the question.

I have this almost down to an art. I will have multiple grocery bags hanging from my arms and at least one bag per finger. You can imagine how ridiculous this may look as I have to dig through my purse to find my keys and then attempt to unlock the front door. Yes, it makes so much more sense to take two trips, it may even save time too, but I somehow think I am capable.

This may be the competitive side of me coming out in a weird way but I'm realizing that it shows up in other areas of life as well. I am currently finding myself in a season that I am ready to be out of. I want to move on as quickly as possible and onto the next season. God uses tests, trials and hard times to build our character, which is never really a fun time. It is completely against my personal nature to revisit and return to things that I feel like I am already adequate in. God so often shows me things that I need to work on and I have to humbly face them. I naturally want to be out of a time of testing but I am learning to cherish these seasons for what they are, rather than rushing out of them and not allowing God to fully work out in me what He desires. I am learning that it is ok to go back for a second trip and surrender my time until God allows me to move on. I am focusing and working on my weaknesses; however long that may take.

God also wants to carry things for me. He doesn't like to see me struggling to carry the weight of my life. I was never built to bear these burdens. I am reminded that Jesus is ever-present to takeover the weights, struggles and pains in the very moment I decide to give them to him. Without delay or hesitation He takes them all. This is a season where I find myself taking day-by-day to draw closer to Him.

With that being said, I am still willing to dislocate my shoulder to only take in one trip from the car. No coffee cup left behind! 

Assembly Instructions

I recently got a new bedroom set. I went out shopping for a dresser and an armoire and picked out a matching set that I thought would look perfect in my room. Being a first time furniture buyer, I expected the sales associates to page the warehouse workers to come load up the pre-assembled set right in front of me. But to my surprise, they brought out two very heavy boxes. I stared at the boxes appalled by the fact that I had to set them up myself. The man who loaded the boxes in my car reassured me that this furniture would be easy to assemble. I would have taken the display set in a heartbeat if they would've let me, but I decided this actually might be kinda fun. I liked the idea of building my own furniture!

It took me a few days to work up the motivation to tackle the project but I finally started one day, excited that I would have a fully assembled bedroom set by that evening. The good feeling immediately left as soon as I saw the assembly instructions and the bag of a million tiny screws, nails and thingamabobbers. I was quickly feeling overwhelmed as the contents of the box were spread out over the majority of my living room.

  

I carefully followed the assembly instructions step by step and even though the progress was slow, I began to see the pile of board and screws turn into an armoire. I had a few glitches and hang-ups along the way and had to take some pieces apart and start over but I was seeing a lot of progress. It took me a few days longer than I had anticipated, but I felt so accomplished to see the set in my room completed.

Life sometimes feels a lot like assembling furniture. Growing up and looking forward to adulthood seems a lot like going shopping for furniture. It is fun and exciting to see all the things that you may be able to have in your life. It is pretty and put together. Little do you know that you have to do a lot of building and work to have those things. Thankfully, we have the instruction manual to life; the Bible. When I was building the armoire I would have the irrational thought that I could skip a couple steps or improvise rather than following the manual exactly. But lets be honest here, I don't have any carpentering skills in the slightest so before I knew it, I had pieces turned upside-down, inside-out and in a heap of dysfunction. I would then have to back track and fix all my mistakes. If I wanted an actual armoire, I had to build it according to the directions. I've done this with life too. At some point I thought I knew more and didn't have to follow the Bible or do what it said. I would then have to go back, take apart pieces, and start over. It is not a fun process.

Sometimes I feel frustrated when I find myself in a taking apart season. Areas of my focus, dedication and passion take unexpected turns and I realize that I haven't been building correctly.  God knows the finished product of what He is building even when I don't understand. I know that he sees the entire span of my life and whenever I stray from that there has to be some rebuilding and restructuring. He is so gracious and merciful to help us change and get back on track. I would really be lost without the Word of God helping me fit all of the pieces together in the right place. I want to be a builder that builds according to the plan. I am dedicated to building my life on His plan rather than my own.

Control

I like to be in control of my life. I like to know where I am going. I like to make plans. I like to have things all put together. I have found that this almost never works. I have goals and aspirations but in reality life is full of ups and downs and turn arounds and I feel lucky if I can keep my head on straight at the end of the day. Through a personal unexpected experience, I have realized that even if you have it all together, one moment can turn your life in a completely different direction than you expected.

I love the words to this hymn by Edward Mote. It is based off 1 Corinthians 10:4.  

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus’ name.

When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, His blood
Support me in the whelming flood;
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay.

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh, may I then in Him be found;
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.

Refrain:
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand,
All other ground is sinking sand.

I am continually reminded of my lack in this world and my constant need for the Rock of Jesus.The world full of sin keeps us battling the unexpected winds and storms that come our way. Even as a daughter of God, there are tough things that I have to walk through and deal with. It is a hard reality to face that even though I have the creator of the universe on my side I still have real pains, heartaches, and battles.

There is always the temptation to give up, settle or back down, but I keep coming back to the place of knowing who I am in Christ. This may be too hard for me to handle, but it isn't too hard for my God to handle. I am so consciously aware of my lack and my weaknesses, but I am reminded that this isn't my battle to fight alone.

2 Corninthians 12:9 says, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

I have been frustrated with the thought that other peoples decisions, actions and influences can change my life. Then I realized that the most important control that I have over my life is the fact that I can control who I put my trust in. It says in Psalm 20:7, "Some trust in chariots and some trust in horses but we trust in the name of the Lord our God." I do not put my trust in the hands of my career, education, talents or relationships because I know they ultimately will fail me. My life is reassured and secured by God alone.

One thing is sure and stands throughout all time; the love and faithfulness of my Father. He sees everything, knows everything and is in complete control even when I feel out of control. When the sinking feeling comes and settles deep in my stomach I cast all aside and refocus my attention on the hope that I will forever have. Hebrews 6:19 says, "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure." My hope is anchored in Jesus. My hope is not anchored in the things of this world, which would leave me tossed and turned by the storms of life. No matter what circumstance or trial, my heart and soul will forever be anchored in the everlasting hope of Christ.

I will live with a new level of desperation for the perfect will of God. I am in a new place of raw openness before the Lord, but I believe it is a beautiful place. God knows all and has a plan even outside of my own understanding. He is working things together for his good and for his glory and I am so honored that I get to be a part of it. Through the struggles and brokenness of my heart, He is ever so near and faithful. 1 John 4:16 says, "We know and rely on the love God has for us." This is the love that never fails, rejects, embarrasses, harms or manipulates.

In The Pursuit of God, by A.W. Tozer, he writes out this prayer:

Show me thy glory, I pray Thee, that so I may know Thee indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul, "Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away." Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long.

That is my prayer. In and out of season I will seek after the Lord.

 Psalm 139:7-10 says, "Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast."

Psalm 139:23-24 "Search me, O God, and  know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

Getting Used to Boredom

I have a boring job. You might be able to relate with me on this. This is a fairly new job, and I am faced with a crisis; the crisis of boredom. When I first started this job I could hardly stand it. I could hardly stand to sit for so long in the same area, space and environment. My own thoughts even began to drive me crazy as I watched the clock tick by ever so slowly. Have you ever been so bored that you get frustrated with time? I would get frustrated that my day was going by so slowly! In an effort to ease the pains of boredom I resorted to multiple avenues of entertainment: Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest etc. I even tried productive outlets: planning, scheduling, reading, and praying. But I still felt disappointed at the end of my day because there was a lack of success and productivity.

 As the weeks passed by I stopped noticing that I was so bored. Looking back on those weeks I realized my work load hadn’t increased, I hadn’t found the perfect distraction from boredom, I hadn’t become more productive or efficient; I was getting used to being bored. At some point during those few short weeks I had made a subconscious decision that I was okay with being bored. I don’t think I am alone in this situation. Whether it is in a career, family or just life in general there has been a compromise in dreams, ambitions and passions and a settling for bored. I think most people start their adult lives excited about what is to come, but a few entry level jobs and setbacks later, they find themselves complacent with mediocre and average; not knowing how they even got there. Boredom becomes a part of life and the dreams of their youth become a memory. Life then goes into coast mode. I despise these statements:
“Another day, another dollar.”
 “Just another day.”
 “Not too bad.”
 “Living for the weekend.”
 “I just want this day to be over.”

 When did life become about barely getting by and enduring rather than thriving and living a full, rich life? The mentality of “putting up with life” has overtaken youthful dreams and it fits people into a mold they always promised they would never be caught in. I don’t want to ever be used to a boring, dull life. A 40 hour work week is a lot of time to spend on something that you hate. Who has ever been fulfilled in life by working 40 hours a week just to pay the bills?

I have learned from this boring job. Instead of letting my mind become mushy, I am engaging my talents, abilities and potential to become irreplaceable.I am never going to get this time back. As a 21 year old, I have decided to live full and exciting days. I have high expectations for adulthood and I choose to forsake boredom.